Sunday, June 30, 2013

Last night I started writing

And it wasn't about infertility or parenting or what I am afraid of, which surprised me since I've been writing about that stuff since 2010.  This time it was about my health.  This year has been interesting in what has come up for me health-wise and I believe a lot of it stems from what my body has been through in the last couple of years.
I think some of these things are normal 37 year old stuff.  Probably some are normal for a 37 year old who is about 50 pounds overweight.  Some are normal for someone who had a pregnancy and some are normal for someone who went though years of infertility treatments.  I've been through a lot and while a lot of the emotional parts have been worked through/are still being worked through, some of the physical aspects were pushed aside.  Until this year.
I scroll through recent pictures and find myself surprised by what I look like.  Somehow larger than how I see myself in the mirror, and tired and old.  Older than my years.  Older than my 2 year old seems to think I am when he wants to be chased around the living room again and again.
I HATE to write "Its time for a change."  Its been time and I've written that before.
So I'm going to use this space, not to motivate, but to free myself.  I'm going to write about my workouts, a bit about food and some of the emotions past and present that got me here today.

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